: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
