I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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