A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
