I just saw a hot homeless man
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
