I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
