The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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