I CAN MOONWALK!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
