I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
