So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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