'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
