Tell her she can't have a vagina
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize