How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
