I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
