tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
