the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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