Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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