Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize