I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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