What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
