On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
