why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
