He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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