Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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