She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
