After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
