So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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