uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
