Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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