I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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