her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
