Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
