Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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