I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
