You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
