How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's blow job season.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
