dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
