What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
