Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
