By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
