M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
