I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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