I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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