Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
