How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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