i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
