When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
