overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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