Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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