I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
