Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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