We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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