the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I understand Curling. That high.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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