I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
