I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
