cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
