Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sext me about skeletons
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
