Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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