lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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