Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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