oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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