if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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