the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize