you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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