please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
