someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
