Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
