She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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