We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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