Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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