youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
