1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
