when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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