mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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