i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
