Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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